Posted by: Sharique | July 3, 2006

Friendship and love between a man and a woman

I know keeping girlfriend will destroy the family and so on but what
if we were just friends secretly were no one knew. this way we will
we will stay togethr until marraige and we can garentee we wont
perform any zinna. are there any cases in the old times of love .

Answer :

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

Taking a girlfriend does not only destroy the family, it destroys
society, and those who do this are threatened with the punishment
and wrath of Allaah. Love is a sickness that destroys the heart and
leads to evil and immorality. The Shaytaan will keep tempting them
and pushing them until they commit immoral actions and thus each
gets what he or she wants from the other.

There are many forbidden matters associated with this, such as
transgressing against the honour of others, betraying trust, being
alone with a member of the opposite sex, touching, kissing, speaking
immoral words, then the greater evil which occurs at the end, which
is the sin of zina.

The fact that the questioner says “no one knows about us” is
strange. How can he forget about his Lord Who knows what is secret
and what is yet more hidden, and who knows the fraud of the eyes and
all that the hearts conceal. (cf. Ghaafir 40:19).

Our advice to you, as you are still young, is to discipline yourself
to obey Allaah and always remember that He is watching; fear Allaah
concerning people’s honour; strive for the Day when you will meet
your Lord with your deeds; remember the scandal that may happen in
this world and the Hereafter. Remember that you have sisters and
will have a wife and daughters, so would you like for one of them
what you are doing with the daughters of the Muslims? The answer is
that you would certainly not like it, and other people do not like
it either. Remember that you may see the results of your sin in some
of your family members as a punishment to you from your Lord.

You have to look for righteous friends, and you have to keep
yourself busy doing that which Allaah loves and is pleased with. Pay
attention to the best and most sublime things and leave alone the
worst and most vile things. Make the most of your youth in obeying
and worshipping Allaah, seeking knowledge and calling others to
Allaah. Remember that there were those of your age and younger who
were men who had memorized the Qur’aan, who sought knowledge, whom
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent to call
others to Allaah and to enter the religion of Islam.

We advise you to get married to a righteous, religiously-committed
woman who will help you adhere to your religion and encourage you to
adhere to the laws of Allaah, who will look after your children and
bring them up with good morals and religious commitment. Give up
this woman who agrees to go out with a man who is a stranger to her
(a non-mahram) and meet him and talk to him; if she agrees to do
immoral actions now then what is going to prevent her from
continuing to do so in the future?

Remember that you are angering your Lord with such sins as being
alone with her, meeting her and talking to her, and anything more
than that is even more serious.

You should realize that zina does not only involve the private
parts, rather the eyes may commit zina, the ears may commit zina,
the hand may commit zina and the foot may commit zina, as was proven
from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). All of
that leads to the zina of the private parts. So do not let the
Shaytaan deceive you, for he is an enemy to you who wishes you evil
and tells you to commit immoral actions.

Shaykh Muhammad al-Saalih al-`Uthaymeen said:

Contact between lovers in improper and unlawful ways is a calamity
and a real disaster. It is not permissible for the man to contact
the woman in this case, or for the woman to contact the man. If he
says that he wants to marry her, then he must tell her wali
(guardian) that he wants to marry her, or she should tell her wali
that she wants to marry him, as `Umar (may Allaah be pleased with
him) did when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr
and `Umar (may Allaah be pleased with them).

But if the woman contacts the man directly, this is the source of
fitnah (temptation).

As’ilat al-Baab il-Maftooh (Question no. 868).

Secondly:

With regard to your question about such forbidden relationships in
the ancient love stories, the fact that such stories existed among
those who came before us cannot be taken as proof with regard to
shar’i rulings, because the rulings of sharee’ah having to do with
what is forbidden and what is allowed are to be taken from the
shar’i evidence of the Qur’aan and Sunnah, and the commands and
prohibitions contained therein.

Some of those mentioned in these stories came before Islam, such as
`Antarah and others, and such stories are to be found in other
cultures as is well known. But we cannot take shar’i rulings from
this because Islam came to bring people forth from being controlled
by their desires to complete submission to Allaah the Lord of the
Worlds.

We ask Allaah to guide us and you and to give us strength.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com )

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